One of my favorite structures here in New England is old stone walls, such as the one near our home that is pictured above. And to me it represents an attractive yet effective means of establishing necessary boundaries. As fellow New Englander Robert Frost observed, “Good fences make good neighbors.” So, it is with that idea in mind that I suggest erecting boundaries in our lives, including ones dealing with others’ behavior toward us, not the least of which involves busyness.
It is no secret that the mantra of many is the familiar phrase, “I am so busy.” However, the truth is, like it or not, that we are all as busy as we allow ourselves to become. Yes, I realize that life sometimes imposes itself upon us in pressing ways, but we are not meant to live in a perpetual state of busyness, which is the very status that many wear as a badge of honor. The bottom line is we make time for what matters to us, which may or may not be what is the most meaningful.
We all claim that relationships are most important but we frequently fail to follow through on that rhetoric. With reference to maintaining them, what it all comes down to is a matter of respect and reciprocity. As Dr. Phil so succinctly states, “You teach people how to treat you.” If your friends or family fail to make time for you in their lives, consider communicating your feelings and act accordingly based on their reaction. “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option,” Mark Twain reminds us.
Here is a personal example: as a favor for a friend, I reached out to her son, a recent college graduate and aspiring writer, with an offer to meet with him and share some helpful insights. Despite being unemployed and living at home with his parents without paying rent or helping in the family business, he apparently was too busy to accept my offer so I politely informed him that I hope he finds someone else to mentor him.
And while I get the appeal of texting and utilize it myself, it has become the de facto mode of communication nowadays at the expense of more meaningful exchanges. I even have encountered people whose excuse for not replying to texts has become, “Oh, I thought I hit send!” Pardon my bluntness, but if you are that distracted or absentminded, perhaps it is time to turn in your device. An email or call may not be as convenient but each communicates more of a relational commitment, as a text is the weakest type of link between two people.
Okay, what am I trying to convey here? Mainly that people in our lives, particularly loved ones, deserve our undivided attention. Life is short and we owe it to each other to live in the present with one another. Technology like FaceTime allows us to experience life together even while apart. One of Linda’s favorite memories is giving her father in Florida virtual tours of our life here in Maine before he passed away. So as for our household, it is no more busyness as usual!