The Ties Unbind

The holidays are meant to be a happy time but for various reasons they often fail to measure up to our expectations, however unrealistic they may be at times. Suffice it to say not all of our lives are Hallmark movies in the making. So we should not be too surprised when relationships go sideways during this typically stressful time of the year.

And even though Linda and I are very blessed in many ways, our familial relationships have been sources of considerable angst. Unfortunately, living closer to family has not proven to be a tonic for our fractured ties. It is as author Reeve Lindbergh describes in her memoir, “The end of connection, the end of relationship, is such a dissolving phenomenon…Little by little, quickly or slowly, the ties unbind.”  

For my part, I have made it a practice to not chase after other people in a misguided effort to salvage dysfunctional relationships. If others are not willing to deal with issues and apologize for offenses, I remind myself I am better off without the associated stress and even sickness. As scripture reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

“Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get,” suggests Kevin Kelly, author of Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier, adding “A proper apology consists of conveying the 3 Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.” Yet, whether or not we ever get one, Linda and I forgive others while distancing ourselves from the dysfunction.

I am sharing from personal experience here to try and spare others the heartache of unnecessary relational grief resulting from vainly striving to sustain relations all on one’s own. I learned a long time ago that healthy relationships involve reciprocity and lousy ones suck the life from you. So, here is hoping you and yours have a happy AND healthy holiday season!

Gifts That Keep Giving

One of my favorite parts about returning to live in my home state of Virginia is visiting the numerous historical places here. And there is no better place to celebrate the Christmas holidays than Colonial Williamsburg, where we recently experienced its annual Grand Illumination. As the above picture suggests the town is specially decorated festively for the season, and the fireworks display is second to none.

Linda and I also enjoyed worshipping at the circa 1715 Bruton Parish church where we were reminded that the Christ of Christmas is the reason for the season amid all the pomp and circumstance of the fife and drum corps, strolling carolers, and other colonial themed celebrants. And the highlight of our visit was my reunion with a sister whom I had not seen in more than five decades!

As I contemplate our bountiful blessings I am reminded of one specific way Linda and I have chosen to “pay it forward” with gifts that keep giving and that is by registering as organ donors. Contrary to other nations, America’s donor registry is an opt-in system rather than an opt-out one so that contributes to the more than 100,000 people currently waiting for a donation. And tragically that means that several people die each day for lack of one.

In the spirit of the season, consider signing up to be an organ donor and potentially save several lives in the process. You can register online through your state registry or in person at your local motor vehicle department like we did. If you use an iPhone you can sign up through the Health application and you may also visit here for more information about donating. Merry Christmas you all!

A Stroll Back in Time

I posted my last entry about the holidays before they got any further away in time. However, I also wanted to highlight another holiday activity of ours: the recent trip my wife and I made back to the island of Nantucket, where we used to live before moving here to historic Franklin. It was in multiple ways a stroll back in time for us as we visited the island during its annual nautical-themed Christmas Stroll the first weekend in December.

We stayed the entire week with good friends of ours who succeeded in keeping our visit a secret, just as we had requested. It was so much fun seeing the surprised look on people’s faces when we showed up at church the morning after our arrival, including the pastors of the church whom we had stayed with for a month before leaving Nantucket a year and a half earlier. It was as if time had stood still during our absence and we picked up right where we had left off.

Linda and I agree that it was our favorite vacation in many ways, not the least of which were our friends’ gracious hospitality, our ability to forgo the ferry and fly all the way onto the island, visiting our favorite haunts like the Downyflake and the Brotherhood, and getting invited by a friend [who happens to be the commodore] to attend a meeting of the renowned Wharf Rat Club, whose eclectic membership includes statesmen, sailors and storytellers of all stripes.

Living the Dream

It has been some time since I blogged due to our busy slate of holiday activities but I had to post today because we got our first snowfall here in Franklin. Snow is only covering the ground but it adds a festive touch to our already joyous holiday season. It has been such fun celebrating the holidays here that it has reminded me how very much I am “living the dream.”

The holiday festivities kicked off earlier with Historic Franklin’s “Dickens of a Christmas” street faire, complete with costumed characters from A Christmas Carol playing live at the circa 1937 Franklin Theatre. And speaking of the theatre, on Christmas Eve my wife, Linda, and I saw our favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, at the theatre and we return on New Year’s Eve to swing to the sounds of the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra.

It is so awesome being able to walk downtown to the different cafes and shops and soak in the ambience of an old fashioned Christmas. We recently invited friends to visit our circa 1930 home in the historic district and to join us for a stroll downtown to the festivities when one of them exclaimed, “This is so romantic!” And it was just last year that another friend of ours remarked, “Your lives are like a movie!”

So perhaps we could describe our experiences as being like a dreamy, romantic movie? Whatever the description, Linda and I frequently feel the need to pinch ourselves to remind us of how blessed we are to live in such special places. As regular readers will recall, it was just this type of lifestyle that we envisioned a couple of years ago when we placed our house for sale and our dreams in the hands of the One whom we celebrate.

Nantucket Noel

My wife and I agree that this Christmas has been our favorite one together, which is rather ironic given that we are several hundred miles from family and friends on an island thirty miles out to sea. One contributing factor is that winter here strips away the distractions of life and helps us to focus on the reason for the season: the incarnation of Christ. Another factor is that we are living in one of the most beautiful places in the entire world, particularly during the holidays.

For its part, Nantucket has several hundred colonial-era buildings, more than anywhere else in America, a fact made all the more astonishing when you consider that many more were lost in an epic fire. Add to the historic buildings the cobblestone streets, old-fashioned lampposts, and traditional decorations of evergreen trees and wreaths with white lights and candles, and you experience a holiday dreamscape capable of soothing even the most jaded of holiday shoppers.

And speaking of shopping, its absence in our lives was another major contributor to our holiday bliss this year. With our yearlong downscaling of possessions, whereby we gave most of our stuff to friends and family before moving here, shopping wasn’t a big deal. As for us, we had bought each other several gifts before the holidays as the need arose so we simply exchanged a couple of gifts on the day of Christmas. The only thing missing was the snow that was forecast but failed to fall.

Washashores

As I mentioned in an earlier post, the first thing you see as you enter Nantucket Harbor is the Brant Point lighthouse, which dates to 1746 and is the second oldest lighthouse in America. One of the neat things about living here during the winter is seeing it nautically decorated for Christmas with the Coast Guard’s crossing of oars in the center of a festooned wreath, reminding one and all of this faraway isle’s maritime heritage.

As we soon learned upon our arrival here nearly two months ago, “washashores” is the official term used to describe folks like us who move here from “America,” as off-island is referred to by locals. And while we may be washashores we have enjoyed a very warm welcome. Indeed, one of the pleasant surprises about life here is how friendly the people generally are, an attribute I think results from braving winters together on a secluded island.

In Walden, Thoreau observed, “At length the winter set in good earnest ... and the wind began to howl around the house as if it had not had permission to do so till then . . . I withdrew yet farther into my shell, and endeavored to keep a bright fire both within my house and within my breast.” While we don’t have a fireplace here like we did in Florida [go figure] today is the warmest first day of winter on record here, at a balmy 55 degrees!

In closing, I leave you with the observation of Moby Dick author Herman Melville: “Nantucket! Take out your map and look at it. See what a real corner of the world it occupies; how it stands there, away off shore, more lonely than a lighthouse. Look at it: a mere hillock, and elbow of sand; all beach, without a background.” And home to washashores.